redromance8

 Since watching sex and the city, all of it at once, I was on a empowered woman trip. I thought I could date like they do, shop like they do, be independent and feel fabulous about the whole thing, even have moment where I let The Crazy slip out and still be OK. But what i've ended up is dateless, broke, and completely relying on my friends for emotional support. Crying myself to sleep at night because a "man" i went on a date with doesn't like me is not a good look. So now I'm feverishly trying to claw back and dignity i may, or may not have had in the first place. I believed for one second that this boy actually liked me, a stupid decision. I was so desperate for somebody somewhere to want me that I completely let myself go for this one. I figured it would finally be the chance I'm told I deserve, and what all the magpies had meant. (Two for joy). Why do we women let ourselves get into these situations?

The date itself was a good one, he offered to pay for everything, this made me think he must have been keen as he was already trying to buy my affections, we got on really well, he was in a metal band, and he wasn't beardy! Hurrah! I thought, too soon. He dropped me home with a kiss on the cheek, promising another date and a joke we had during the night of owing him "sexual favours". But to my surprise a few days later and I had text with no reply, tried to talk online, no reply. So why is this seemingly perfectly nice guy ignoring me after all that? Its beginning to feel like I'm cursed. And being slightly overemotional had a breakdown about it. The confusion being too much, crying ensued.

Some of my close friends have gotten themselves into a similar state, one with a long term boyfriend who turned out to be a total dick and the other with a gay guy who led her on. Are we so scared of spinsterdom still in the 21st century, that we will let ourselves become mentally and emotionally abused by these losers because we think that this is how we should be treated, and like Carrie and Mr. Big, he may turn out to be the one after all?

The bad news is that in the next Sex and the City film Big cheats on Carrie, so clearly, he is not the one, surely his actions during the dating stages should give you a good idea of how much of a dick he really is, unless he's a good enough liar to make you think he isn't.
The country is full of a generation (including me) who are searching for no less that their very own Edward Cullen, which, on the other end of the scale is a totally unattainable ideal of a man. but even he treated Bella like crap for a while. (Men should really read Twilight to get an idea of how to treat a woman - minus the weird stalking part and the bit where he left her "for her own good", loser). Is the man-pool in this country just so severely depleted so we have been directed to the bargain bin? Or have they learned that they can do what they want and get away with it, because relationships, marriage and apparently chivalry mean nothing to them until they are 40.

In my attempt to get back on top I have decided that men from now on need to earn my trust, really really earn it. I wont jump on any band wagon that comes along just because he seems to like me, as we all know that may be false advertising.

I have to break my destructive dating cycle by being the one who doesn't care, and who comes crawling and worshipping might be the ones that are worthy of my attention. (We will see how desperate I get, when no-one gives me a second look to see how long this one will last). as clearly being myself (obsessive, compulsive, foolish, superstitious, a little deluded, lonely and a little crazy), just doesn't work when it comes to this world. Everyone says that people should love you for who you are, if anyone truly believed that everyone would go to bars naked. 
I'm still trying to be me, just a me that wont take the abuse you get for trying to find someone to spend sunday mornings rolling around in bed with. Hannah is right, what did happen to men being truly nice in order to get into our pants? It seems they have learned that making no effort, being ignorant and rude gets them just the same, because we have no confidence in ourselves anymore? or is it because clearly not enough women own a vibrator?

 If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle, a mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore

Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well, sentence me to another life

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
'Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same, oh, we're not the same

We're the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good, it's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it

The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
'Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same, oh, we're not the same

Yeah, we used to stick together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good, it's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well, I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well, I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well, I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

 I, I, I will battle for the Sun, Sun, Sun,
And I, I, I won’t stop until I’m done, done, done,
You, you, you are getting in the way, way, way,
And I, I, I have nothing left to say, say, say…

I, I, I, I, I will brush off all the dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt,
And I, I, I, I, I will pretend it didn’t hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt,
You, you, you, you, you are a black and heavy weight, weight, weight, weight, weight, weight, weight,
And I, I, I, I, I will not participate, pate, pate, pate, pate, pate, pate, pate…

Dream brother, My killer, My lover
Dream brother, My killer, My brother

I, I, I will battle for the Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun,
’cause, I, I, I have stared down the barrel of a gun, gun, gun, gun,
No fun, you, you, you, you, you are a cheap and nasty, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake,
And I, I, I, I, I am the bones you couldn’t break, break, break, break, break, break, break, break…!

Dream brother, My killer, My lover
Dream brother, My killer, My brother
Dream brother, My killer, My lover
Dream brother, My killer, My brother
Dream brother, My killer, My lover
Dream brother, My killer, My brother

I, I, I will battle for the Sun.